Exclusive contradiction (ICA)

This is the experience of having only one battle to fight: with the forces of evil within one's self; and that this is the only struggle that counts. The problem is to slay one's propensity to live out of guilt rather than glory in the particularity of one's own life. It may be compared to Jacob wrestling with the angel or to St. Anthony saying: "Only struggle with Satan". Nikos Kazantzakis portrays such a struggle in "The Last Temptation of Christ"; and in the story of "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" a man finds his life consumed by contradictory forces of good and evil.

A dimension of this experience is a sense of awe, that is fear and fascination. The fear is that one will succumb to one's own destructiveness. There is the sense that win or lose, one's life is forever changed; and joy in the combat - in knowing that this is the only battle worth one's being. There is also fascination with the eternal vigilance required. One recognizes, in the midst of this tremendous all-consuming struggle, that this is one's life and it is good; and that one decides good and evil. And one is left with the realization that the battle is never finally won and with a new determination to fight it out, to be vigilant and never surrender.

This state is number 56 in the ICA Other World in the midst of this World.