Courtly love

The concept and feeling of longing and yearning, experienced somatically, and summarized by the notion of erotic asceticism as a discipline of unfulfilled desire. Grounded in sexual passion, it functions as a kind of mental, even moral, discipline. It entails the simultaneous acceptance of contradictory notions. It echoes the mystical yearning for God, the desire to escape from matter (the physical other) in favour of a spirit (an archetype), emphasizing inner feeling rather than ritual observance of marriage, and favouring sexual abstinence.

In this idealized version of romantic love, the fair lady is seen by the knight as his source of inspiration and as a symbol of beauty and perfection. It is this ideal which leads him to noble acts, to being spiritual, high-minded, refined. The relationship is idealized and spiritualized, there is no sexual involvement. It lifts the couple above the gross, physical level. Nor is there an intimate relationship as with an ordinary, mortal woman, so the lovers are not married. Indeed the lady is usually married to another. Despite the absence of sexual relations or marriage, the couple have intense and passionate desire for each other. This desire is spiritualized so that each sees the other as a symbol of the divine archetypal world.

The expression 'courtly love' was coined to describe a practice developed in the Middle Ages. It is believed to have inspired the troubadours and powerfully influenced the contemporary western preoccupation with romantic love. As a doctrine of paradoxes, it is to be distinguished from caring or affection.