Mourning

Mourning runs through different stages and may, in the case of a death coming slowly (through illness, for example), commence before death occurs. If the person affected is unable to face up to the coming death there may be confusion and anger - they may even avoid the dying person which brings remorse after the death of that person. However, acknowledgement of the approaching death can bring reconciliation to any grievances that may have arisen during life. When the death actually takes place, there is emotional turmoil and the desire to do something which would protect or please the dead person. If this is not successful, if the funeral is not as he or she would have wanted it, for example, there may be panic and a feeling of being overwhelmed, perhaps incoherence. At the other extreme a state of dissociation may arise, self-protection through loss of recent memories. Then follows a phase of turning away from feelings through avoiding reminders of the death, although the dead person may seem alive in dreams. The mourner may be numb to all emotion, maybe abusing drugs or alcohol or taking part in frenzied activity, until the next phase where there is a mental reviewing of life with the deceased and the beginning of adjustment to the loss. At this time there may, however, be a reaction of recurring nightmares and overwhelming rage, despair, shame, guilt or fear. The next phase is intense yearning for the company of the dead person, again a denial of the death, until this yearning yields to emotional acceptance. Until this final stage is reached, not only is there an inability to work, to be caring or creative or to feel pleasant feelings, there may also be anxiety, depression, rage followed by shame and guilt. Until mourning is completed the mourner has no feeling of mastery over his or her life.